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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25697761">Model Behavior</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/6_impossiblethings/pseuds/6_impossiblethings'>6_impossiblethings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red White &amp; Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Artists, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:00:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,150</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25697761</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/6_impossiblethings/pseuds/6_impossiblethings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started when Alex was running low on cash during his fall semester of sophomore year. </p><p>He saw a flyer that said, “Models Needed For Art Class” along with information about payment rates. Figuring that this was easier and less time consuming than a real job, he showed up to the art studio the next day and turned in a headshot along with his contact information.</p><p>It only takes Alex about one week before turning the class prodigy into his enemy. All Alex wants to see is his portrait done by Henry, is that too much to ask?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, June Claremont-Diaz/Nora Holleran/Percy "Pez" Okonjo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>85</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>250</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It all started when Alex was running low on cash during his fall semester of sophomore year. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He saw a flyer that said, “Models Needed For Art Class” along with information about payment rates. Figuring that this was easier and less time consuming than a real job, he showed up to the art studio the next day and turned in a headshot along with his contact information.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He only had to wait about a day before he was contacted asking when he was available. He signed up for several spots in different beginner classes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His new modeling gig started the next week, but when he had told June and Nora about it they teased him endlessly. Nora asked if Alex knew if they would be drawing him sans clothing and  he felt his anxiety creep in since he in fact never considered the possibility. At the time, he figured his good looks were enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But there was no going back now. He had already signed up for over half of the modeling sessions and they started in two days.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the day of the first session came, Alex put a little extra effort into his appearance. He prayed that he wouldn’t have to be naked in a room full of strangers, and then, he went on his way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a huge sigh of relief to him when the professor told him to just go sit on a stool in the classroom, but in future sessions he would have to change his position to a different pose. She didn’t say anything about the clothing, and Alex breathed a sigh of relief.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The session was only an hour long, which wasn’t bad but just long enough Alex got bored. He did have to sit there still and couldn’t talk to any of the artists. He was trying to mentally write his paper for a poli sci class when one artist in particular caught his interest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blond boy sitting almost directly in front of Alex was just staring at him. The others all looked briefly at Alex before returning to their sketchbooks, but this man hadn’t moved his pencil once. The intensity of his stare made Alex wonder if the man was trying to set him on fire or something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gave the man a wink and watched as the blond tore his gaze away and finally began sketching. He looked a little blushed and Alex wondered if he was embarrassed at being caught. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex noticed that the boy’s sketchbook was different from the others. While everyone had these huge books from a generic art store, his was a smaller black book with a Union Jack symbol on the front. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He studied the boy’s face. He was interesting to look at and obviously attractive. His blond hair looked so soft that Alex couldn’t help but wonder what products he used. He was well dressed as if showing off his artistic eye. All of his movements were graceful and purposeful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It made Alex a little more curious about him. He made such thoughtful strokes onto his sketchbook that Alex was beginning to think he wasn’t really a beginner at art like many of the others in the class. He really, really wanted to see the guy’s sketch afterwards.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the class ended though, the boy left rather quickly and Alex still had to wait for the teacher’s payment for the day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt a slight bit of disappointment that he didn’t get to see the sketch, but maybe he could catch him the next session.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Surprisingly, he did see the same boy later that week in the library. Alex couldn’t explain it, but something made him get up from his table with Nora to walk over to the boy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” was Alex’s brilliant greeting. He smiled at the boy and waited for his greeting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy scrunched up his face and tentatively said, “Um, hello.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, I was wondering if you could show me the sketch from class earlier. I’m curious to see how it turned out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy avoided looking up at Alex and said, “Sorry, I don’t have it with me. I lost that book actually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex glanced at the boy’s pile of books where he noticed the same black sketchbook with a Union Jack sticker on it. He wanted to call him out, but clearly the boy didn’t want to show him for some reason. Still, it irritated Alex knowing the boy was lying to him for some reason.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay whatever. See you next week.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex turned away from the table and glanced back only once to see the boy blushing. He hoped the guy realized that his sketchbook had been right there. That he was obviously caught in a lie. Whatever his reason, it better be a good one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could ask again next week, but what was the point really if this boy was going to lie right to his face?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The week passed and Alex prepared for his next session. He changed into some athletic clothes this time - a workout muscle t-shirt and some mesh shorts. He knew it would show off his body a little more and allow him to try different poses this week.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was kind of fun really - all these people drawing him and him being able to do whatever. It was the easiest money he had ever made. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He waited by the studio until the class arrived. He noticed a wall of portraits hung up and was studying them all. It was clear the skill level was all over the class, but there was one that stood out to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was of a girl. By the shading, she looked like she had fair skin and light hair. She had what looked like a black leather-ish jacket thrown over one shoulder. By the emotion depicted in her expression, Alex could tell she was a rebel like him. By her position and gaze, Alex could read her confidence and wildness. Even though there was no context, Alex knew he would like this person whoever she was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He must’ve stared at it for a while before the professor came up to him. “Like what you see so far?” she asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, this one is really amazing.” He pointed to the portrait of the girl. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Of course, that one is Henry’s. He is one of our best.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded like he knew who this Henry person was. He must’ve really loved whoever this girl was to create something so lovely. He wished someone would do something like that for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sadly, Nora and June did not share in this artistic talent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wondered which guy in the class was Henry, but he wanted to figure it out for himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He took his spot in the center. The blond was in the same spot this week and when Alex made eye contact with him, his cheeks turned pink. He watched as the boy looked around to see if there were any open spots left. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Realizing there were none, the boy sighed and continued setting up. Alex saw that same sketchbook sitting by his side and without thinking stood up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before he even knew it, he said, “Glad you found your sketchbook.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy just turned an even darker shade of pink and avoided eye contact. He could’ve at least made up a good lie if he couldn’t just be honest. Alex had considered it wasn’t a great sketch. After all this was supposedly a beginners class. However, Alex felt there was more to it than just embarrassment over it being bad.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was going out of his way to hide it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The professor called for them to get started so Alex rushed back to the center before the artist could answer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He glared at the guy during the entire session. Every time the blond looked up, Alex could tell he felt more and more uncomfortable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He spent the hour debating if he should confront the boy when near the end he heard the girl next to him say, “Henry, can you give me some pointers on how you do the shading here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was pointing to a spot on her sketch and Alex watched as the blond leaned over and started demonstrating his technique. It made Alex sour knowing he had just been appraising work by Henry who was the same person who had lied to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Clearly he had something against Alex or just didn’t like him. If he was able to draw that beautiful portrait, Alex’s had to be halfway decent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He really wanted to confront Henry, but another girl approached him after class to introduce herself. She said her name was Lily and wanted to get coffee with him sometime. He was flattered, but annoyed she had interrupted him right when he was walking over to Henry. He took her number anyways and said he would text her.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Later in the week, he made plans with June and Nora to go to a bar nearby the school. They typically went once on weekends since there weren’t too many options open. It was always fun with the three of them out. Alex could count on them for a good time since his previously drinking buddy, Liam, was currently MIA.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> June mentioned she was inviting someone from her journalism class who was apparently “so funny”. Alex tuned out whatever else she said about the intruder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time the weekend rolled around, Alex didn’t even care who was there. He was just ready to drink. He had been slammed all week with assignments and for some reason, still pissed whenever he ran into Henry on campus. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He went over to June and Nora’s apartment to pregame to 1) save money and 2) get systematically drunk. June always splurged on nicer alcohol and he was content to drink it up. He made them each different cocktails before they got to pre-gaming. The three were laughing and having fun playing “never have I ever” which ended up being the girls just targeting Alex the whole game.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A hesitant knock at the door really threw Alex off. It was even more sobering when June opened the door to Henry and a blonde girl and a boy with pink hair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt the laughter die on his lips and any smile fall off his face. He was too drunk already to even contemplate being nice to Henry all night. How could June invite him here? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Instead of raising to greet them, he took another drink and turned away from the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something about the girl bothered Alex instantly. She looked incredibly familiar but Alex wasn’t sure where he would’ve met her before. She definitely wasn't in any of his classes and he didn't remember hooking up with her or anything. He hoped he had just seen her around on campus or something. To avoid any awkwardness of reintroducing himself, Alex just decided to stay put.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nora gave Alex a weird look and she got up to meet this “Bea” and “Pez”. Without thinking, he texted Lily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Alex: Hey! Are you going out later? I’m going to Decades later it would be fun if you came</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her enthusiastic response came later agreeing to meet him. If he had to deal with Henry all night, he was going to need some sort of distraction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He continued drinking and ignoring their conversation until it was time to call an Uber and head on out. Unfortunately, they had to split up and take two since an Uber XL wasn't available. This left Alex, Pez, and Henry together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He tried sitting in the front, but was relegated to the backseat along with Pez. Naturally, Henry claimed he was "too tall" for the backseat. Is anything about him not annoying?</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time they made it to the bar, Alex was seriously questioning his sister’s taste in people. Pez and Bea didn’t seem so bad, but unfortunately, it was Henry who shared the class with June. She was laughing at everything he said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex frowned in response. How could this be happening? The only interesting thing about Henry was his desperation to keep Alex’s portrait from him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t sure if anyone in the group noticed. But maybe that’s how Alex ended up talking to Pez the most even if he was just going on about how Alex has such a “cool and beautiful sister”. He hopes June only invited Henry along to get to know Pez better. He was tolerable to be around at least.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At some point, it clicked in his mind. Bea was the portrait he had been admiring before class the other day. Even though they hadn’t met, it was so lifelike. All his realization does though is makes him want to scream. Why does everyone get to see Bea’s and Alex doesn’t even get a peak? He knows the sketch of Alex might not look as good, but come on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thoughts of how Henry lied to him but is currently charming June and Nora piss him off even more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As a result, Alex is content to let everyone else talk. He’s too busy consuming massive amounts of alcohol to contribute or care about what’s said in their group. He doesn’t recognize anyone else at the bar yet, so for now he will stay put.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a while, Henry finally approached Alex.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cautiously, Henry starts with, “So, you’re the infamous Alex Claremont-Diaz that June always talks about.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex raised an eyebrow at him, “So now you wanna talk to me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It comes out a little more aggressive than he intends, but it seems to do the job. Henry takes a slight step back and his small smile vanishes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I, um, er. June just talks about you in class a lot. It’s nice to meet you officially.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even though you could’ve weeks ago?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry was looking more uncomfortable every second. Alex wanted to give him a little bit of credit for even approaching him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He watched as Henry opened and closed his mouth a few times. He had to realize that Alex was annoyed with him for lying to his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry took a huge breath before saying, “June mentioned you like Star Wars?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex tentatively answered, “Yes, I do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Anxiously, Henry offered, “Pez and I are going to see the new movie this week. You should come with.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Alex could even compute why Henry would want to hang out with him, a girl squealed by his side and hug-tackled him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alex! I’m so glad I found you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lily. Oh right. His distraction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He greeted her in response. He couldn’t decide if he was suddenly more annoyed because he couldn’t finish his argument or that he had to hide his bad mood to entertain Lily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh hey Henry! I didn’t know you and Alex were friends outside of class.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry took a slight step back from the two of them, “Um, sure. I have a class with his sister.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lily nodded enthusiastically and continued, “Henry, aren’t we so lucky to have </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> guy as our model? I mean look at him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry choked on his drink as Lily put her hand on Alex’s chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex let himself be pulled away from Henry. Henry with his impossible blue eyes and perfect blonde hair. He would be content to let this brown eyed, brunette drag him to the dance floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They danced for several songs. It wasn’t until “Get Low” came on and Alex cheered before he looked up to see Henry glaring at him. He’s not sure if it was that, or the alcohol, or the song, or Lily’s closeness, but Alex leaned down to kiss Lily once.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled brightly in response and pulled Alex even closer. They danced for another song before she asked if he wanted to leave, but Alex made an excuse to go find June.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lily frowned and told Alex to text her if he changed his mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Alex finally found June and Nora, the other three members of their group were nowhere to be found. Alex hoped that meant Henry had left. Maybe with whoever that girl was. Alex thought Bea was her name but he hadn’t talked to either of them long enough to ask.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the night was uneventful. June and Nora went back to their room and Alex went back to his. He passed out and refused to think of a certain blonde hair, blue-eyed individual. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Alex came into the studio the following week, all he could feel was pure dread. He had no interest in seeing Henry again. No interest in someone who would lie to him and then glare at him even after Alex had tried to be nice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>E</span>
  <span>ven if Henry made the most beautiful art, the sight of him made Alex want to set himself on fire.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wondered if it would ruin today's portrait session if he glared at Henry the whole time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He took his time walking in and noticed a bunch of new paintings hung up. It seemed the class had a project to draw something in nature. Alex stopped to study each one and, as always, he was impressed with what they had created.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A bunch of people painted flowers or trees, but one person painted a beagle laying in the grass.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The lighting made the day look so peaceful and happy. The dog’s lazy pose made Alex feel a little more sleepy. The huge, white fully clouds in the sky made it even more of an inviting scene. He could imagine what it would be like to lay in the grass, pet the dog, and just relax. It looked like the perfect day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex thought how nice it must be to have a dog. It would be a wonderful and easy way to just de-stress from all his pre-law classes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was still admiring it when he noticed the caption. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> “David in Grassy Field </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oil on Canvas - 12 x 16 </span>
</p><p>
  <span>- Henry Fox”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex had the sudden urge to take the painting and smash it. He just wanted to destroy it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why was it <em>always</em> him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course Henry would paint another beautiful portrait of his dog. Or someone’s dog at least. Why would he want to spend so much time painting this cute little dog, but he wouldn’t even show Alex his sketch?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was honestly so ridiculous the lengths this man had gone through to prevent Alex from seeing the sketch when he had no problems displaying his other work. Surely, he had some reason for not wanting to share with Alex.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It only convinced him further that Henry hated him or something. Why else would he deny Alex from seeing a portrait of himself? Clearly the man had talent. No reason to be embarrassed or anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He must’ve been looking at the painting like it personally offended him because the real offender walked by him just at that moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See something you like?” Henry asked in a rude, sarcastic sort of way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope, nothing here.” Alex said with a pointed look. He wanted Henry to know how much he disliked him and all of his work before he destroyed this painting of a beagle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry smirked, “You know, I think you do actually like it. I think you’re obsessed with my work.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He gets caught staring at a painting one time and suddenly he’s obsessed? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s ridiculous. I don’t care about it at all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The fire behind his words may have indicated otherwise, but he wasn’t obsessed with Henry or his artwork. Plenty of people in the class demonstrated talent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Professor Johnson told me last week that you complimented my other portrait. You approached me about your portrait. You’re just mad there isn’t an Alex Claremont-Diaz portrait hanging up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex scoffed at him and stepped closer, “That’s not true.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry rolled his eyes, “Whatever you say” and tried to talk away. Alex, who was not quite done with this conversation, tried to grab Henry’s wrist, but instead was shoved backwards into the wall. The wall which was currently displaying all of the paintings from Henry’s class. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Somehow they ended up on the ground - Henry on top of Alex. When Alex looked up, he saw a glean of something in Henry’s eye before they separated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex rushed to pick up and rehang the paintings, but he wasn’t quick enough. The professor came out after hearing the crash and berated the boys for not being more careful. She said she would not kick them out of today’s class, but she was asking for help this weekend cleaning up the art studio. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not wanting to miss out on the easy money, Alex agreed. Even though it meant spending more time with Henry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just another thing to dread. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the time Saturday hit, June and Nora refused to hear anymore complaints about Henry from Alex. June even said she was glad they would be forced to spend time together. She is still under the impression that Henry is “sweet and funny”. She tells Alex they could easily become friends and she doesn’t want him to trash talk his new friend anymore. Nora thinks the whole thing is hilarious.</p><p> </p><p>He stopped by commons on the way to Henry. If he has to deal with him all day, he better have his caffeine and a croissant. </p><p> </p><p>He arrives at the studio only to find Henry already there and huddled over a painting. Alex can see some of the white of the canvas poking through so he must not be done.</p><p> </p><p>Whoever the man is in the painting looks kind. He’s an older man who looks confident and happy. Looking at this picture is so comforting for some reason Alex can’t tell why.</p><p> </p><p>He’s staring at it in awe for several moments before realizing Henry is trying to hide his tears. The redness around his eyes makes the blue feel even brighter somehow. Immediately feeling awkward, Alex runs through things to say before asking, “You okay?”</p><p> </p><p>He wishes he could smack himself with how dumb he sounds. </p><p> </p><p>Since he is obviously not okay, Henry doesn’t reply. </p><p> </p><p>It’s quiet for a few moments. Henry sniffles a few more times before Alex searches for a box of tissues.</p><p> </p><p>He offers the box to Henry and Henry glances at the box and then Alex. He doesn’t make a move as if waiting for Alex to pull it away in some sort of “gotcha” prank. When Alex just leaves his arm extended, Henry finally reaches for it.</p><p> </p><p>Still hesitant, Henry grabs one and cleans his face off. </p><p> </p><p>Alex studies Henry and his attention is stuck on how his eyes are still strikingly blue. Hauntingly blue almost. They pierced him and made him want to comfort Henry in some way.</p><p> </p><p>Even though he hates him, no one should have such a broken expression.</p><p> </p><p>Unsure of what else to do, Alex gets Henry a cup of water and offers his croissant over. He’s not sure if he should ask what’s up so he waits for him to decide.</p><p> </p><p>After a quiet “thank you” and sad smile, Henry finishes off the food and water. </p><p> </p><p>His attention returns to the half finished painting. While he doesn’t look in Alex’s direction again, Henry begins to explain, “It’s the anniversary of my dad’s passing. I wanted to complete this in time for him, but I failed. I just can’t do anything right.”</p><p> </p><p>Alex frowned and pulled over a stool by Henry. He sat and shifted his body towards Henry’s with the painting by their sides. Even half finished it was one of the most amazing things Alex had seen.</p><p> </p><p>“I think he’d be really proud of you. This right here is already pretty awesome.”</p><p> </p><p>Henry wiped his eyes again and then ran his fingers through his hair. He huffed out a breath, “I just wish I could explain better. I wanted to do this one thing for him and I screwed up.”</p><p> </p><p>Alex knows the feeling all too well. His hyperfocus on work during his parents’ divorce caused many fights between his friends and family. </p><p> </p><p>He debated on what to do, and he settled on the thing that he wished people would do for him. “How long do you think it’ll take you to finish?”</p><p> </p><p>Henry considered, “Maybe a few hours, but it doesn’t matter. We’ve gotta clean this place up.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll do it. You finish that” as he gestured towards the painting.</p><p> </p><p>Shocked covered Henry’s face before he schooled it into a more cautious expression. As if he couldn’t believe someone was being nice to him. “Are you sure?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it’s not a big deal.”</p><p> </p><p>Alex stood and gathered all of the cleaning supplies. The studio would soon be having a show filled with the work of the students. The professor had explained how much needed to be done before the exhibit. He had to mop the floors, fix several easels, go through the supplies closet, and clean the walls of any stray paint. It was going to be a long day of work by himself, but Alex knew Henry needed to do this. </p><p> </p><p>Henry put on a playlist to paint to and Alex focused on cleaning everywhere else. He would occasionally peak over Henry’s shoulder at the progress he was making.</p><p> </p><p>He was once again amazed by Henry’s skill. The brush strokes looked so loving and thoughtful on the man. Alex was happy to allow Henry the time to finish such a masterpiece. </p><p> </p><p>He desperately wanted to ask why he wouldn’t show Alex his sketch, but now wasn’t the time. At least he could appreciate this other piece by Henry instead.</p><p> </p><p>Alex gathered his things and walked over to Henry before leaving, “See you in class next week.”</p><p> </p><p>Henry shifted to face Alex, “Thank you for today.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t mention it.”</p><p> </p><p>Henry nodded in response. He’s not sure why, but Alex couldn’t stop himself, “I know you’re probably not up for it, but June, Nora, and I are going out later if you want to come. You can bring your girlfriend and Pez.”</p><p> </p><p>Confusion spread across Henry’s face, “Girlfriend?”</p><p> </p><p>“The blonde girl who was with us last time?”</p><p> </p><p>Henry barked out a laugh which was surprising given the somber mood of the day. “My sister, Bea. Ha, that’s funny. No, if I was seeing someone, it would be a boyfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Well, okay then. Okay so, come with us later if you feel up to it.”</p><p> </p><p>Henry was still smiling but he nodded. </p><p> </p><p>Alex left feeling lighter than he had in weeks. This term was really exhausting, but today was nice. Even though he had been doing manual labor. He read somewhere that doing exercise relieves stress so that's probably it. Tonight would be a good de-stressor too. It was exactly what Alex needed after an exam filled week.</p><p> </p><p>He headed back to his apartment, sent off a text to June to send Henry the details, and took a nap. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Alex woke up to a few missed texts from Henry, June, and Nora. It seemed he had been added to a group chat and only had an hour before he was expected at June’s.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He rushed through making dinner and picking out an outfit. After all, he was just going out with Nora and June. Plus Henry, which was a pity invite and hardly counted. He wasn’t trying to impress anyone and didn’t plan to meet up with anyone after.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the end, he threw on a polo with a lacrosse team emblem on it and some of his best jeans. It looked slightly preppy, but whatever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was greeted at June’s apartment by an already very drunk Nora. She was giggling and threw her arms around him before holding an open bottle up to Alex’s mouth for him to drink. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>June was definitely still buzzed but watched the whole scene with amusement. Pez was already there and watching June the entire time. Alex briefly wondered if there was something going on there, but he would find out later.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No one in their family was ever good at keeping secrets. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After almost finishing Nora’s beer, he helped himself to June’s stash in her fridge. He noticed Henry and Bea were sitting on June’s couch next to an abandoned game of King’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wondered if he had missed something because when he walked over to them, their conversation came to a complete stop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex took a moment to study Henry. He looked better than he had before. As if painting that homage to his father had given him new life. His eyes were brighter than earlier and even his hair seemed to shine more. He was wearing a light blue shirt that perfectly complemented his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course, with an artist’s eye that must be easy for him. He looked way more put together than Alex, but again, who did Alex need to impress tonight?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This night was completely different than the first time they had all gone out together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of ignoring Henry and Bea, he was by their sides all night. He made them start over and begin a new game of King’s, which unfortunately ended with him chugging the beer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, the game did reveal that Henry was amazing at rhyming, has read Pride and Prejudice ten times, and during a question round, when asked who the prettiest person in the room was, answered Alex.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything about him was surprising Alex. He more than once had Alex doubled over with laughter. Playing drinking games with more than just him, Nora, and June was way more fun. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Part of him hoped this was going to become a regular thing. Even if Henry had lied to him, he was at least fun to drink with.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time, they Ubered over together in one car and Henry sat next to Alex in the back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t stop comparing the Henry from class to the one from last weekend to the one from today. Before he even realized, Alex reached over tapped Henry on the knee, “Hey, did you and Pez go see that movie?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry shifted to face Alex better, “You remembered that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, yeah? So, did you go?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry smiles slightly, “No, Pez procrastinated on his work, so we’re going next week instead.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex isn’t sure why, but he can’t stop himself from saying, “Oh, will you let me know when? If the invite is still open?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The alcohol must seriously be getting to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry nodded, “Of course, Alex.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sit in silence after that until the car reaches the bar. They piled out of the car and head to get their IDs checked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After entering, Alex makes a beeline for the bar. He expects the rest of the group to follow him but only Henry does.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of them wait until the bartender comes over. The crowd around them pushes Henry into Alex and he can’t ignore the jolt he feels with Henry against his side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry turns to Alex and smiles, “First rounds on me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex challenges him, “How about shots first?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the bartender finally makes their way over, Alex orders each of them shots while Henry buys two other drinks.They pick up the mini cups first and down the liquor inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry immediately splutters, “Vodka?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry’s cheeks immediately turned pink. Alex thought he heard him say something like, “Oh no” but he couldn’t tell over the noise in the bar.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They collected their other drinks and headed back to the group.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Unlike last week, the group stayed together most of the night. They all hit the dance floor together and kept this tight dance circle. Everything around Alex was whirling. The lights blinked different colors over them and the songs were all upbeat. The alcohol made him feel warm and happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A song came on and Nora screamed next to him. Alex vaguely recognized the song as one she liked and before he knew it, Nora grabbed his hands and Alex started dancing with her. He somehow knew that Pez was next to them with June and Bea, but where was Henry?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He excuses himself from the group and goes to check the bathroom. Then, the bar, and then the tables. Henry’s nowhere to be found. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just as he’s about to join the group, he walks by the door to the bar. It swings wide as two giggling girls enter and move past him. Maybe it’s the alcohol, but he thinks there’s someone just standing out there against the bricks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He grabs the door just before it shuts and looks down the alleyway. There’s one couple making out and a few stray guys smoking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex sighs and then turns around to face the door again. He catches a glimpse of someone sitting on the curb that he must’ve missed before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The person looks towards the door and momentarily his face is hit with the light outside the bar. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even though Henry quickly looks away, Alex is already strutting down the path towards him. </span>
  <span>By the time he reaches Henry, his face is in his hands as if trying to hide from Alex. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Too late for that,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Alex thinks to himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Henry,” Alex says quietly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry doesn’t respond, so Alex presses on, “Why are you out here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He finally looks up at Alex and shakes his head. Alex hates the frown overtaking Henry’s face. Maybe it was a bad idea for them to get drunk tonight. He knew how upset Henry had been earlier. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Walk with me?” he extends out his hand to Henry. Henry takes it and Alex helps pull him to his feet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They just start walking up the street, not straying too far from the bar. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, what’s up?” Alex cringes at himself. He’s definitely not the best at this comfort thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry’s quiet and Alex wonders if he’s going to refuse to talk to him at all. Finally Henry explains, “I just- I just wish things were different.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like with your dad?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry glances around them, “Well, yeah, but other things too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex waits for Henry to elaborate but that seems like it’s it. He’s not sure how much is appropriate to pry into his classmate/acquaintance/sister’s friend’s life. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you ever just want things but know it can’t happen?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Confused where this is coming from Alex responds, “Um, no. Usually, I work obsessively until it happens.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So helpful, Alex.” Henry sighs. Alex watches him as if he’s trying to make his mind up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay well, what if you’ve already fucked up and no amount of work fixes anything?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex shrugs. “Just keep trying. What’s all this about?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, not a clue.” Isn’t today like the first time they’ve spoken without antagonism? Why would Alex know the answer's to Henry's vague thoughts?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex turns to look at Henry but Henry’s already reaching for Alex. He cups Alex’s face and pulls him closer. Suddenly, they’re kissing. Alex leans into it and deepens the kiss.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He runs his hand through Henry’s hair and feels Henry’s hands now tugging him closer at the waist. He’s quickly becoming intoxicated just on Henry’s taste and smell. He breaks off their kiss, “Come back to my room?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry agrees. They pull out their phones and text the group saying they’re leaving. Henry claimed to feel sick and Alex said he was walking him back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While they walk back to Alex’s room, Henry laces their fingers together. The touch alone makes Alex feel electric. The mix of the alcohol, lack of stress, and the fact that it’s well been a while for Alex makes it difficult for him to keep it cool.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They head directly for Alex’s bedroom once in the apartment. He tries to clean up his bed a little, but his efforts are futile as he and Henry are making out again on his bed within moments. Alex’s head spins faster as they continue. Vaguely, he realizes his shirt is already off and Henry is tugging his own off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry’s kissing him all over and he’s never felt so good. Every part of him feels warm and light and happy. The waistband of his boxer’s is tugged down and all Alex can do is moan out in pleasure. Henry’s mouth is all over him and Alex feels on fire. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Baby,” Alex whispers before pulling Henry up to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The last thing Alex remembers that night is kissing Henry’s neck before the cuddle in his bed. The whole night has felt something like a dream and allows Alex to drift peacefully into sleep. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>What was supposed to be a one time thing quickly surpasses that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex does end up going to the movies with Henry that week. He tells himself it's just because he doesn’t want to go alone to the movie. However, when Pez ditches them to hang out with June and Nora at the last minute, Alex and Henry only make it about halfway through the movie before leaving for Alex’s apartment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whatever tension was built up between them is still in the process of exploding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They run into each other at the library and after a few flirting works, find a private study room to make out in before Alex forces himself to return to his work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Alex has another modeling session for Henry’s class, he openly stares at Henry the entire time. He enjoys watching Henry work and also the persistent blush creeping into his face. Without speaking, Henry follows Alex straight back to his apartment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He still doesn’t like Henry, but hooking up with him has been amazing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Really, it’s just what he needed. Everything in his life seems to shift with this too, he becomes less stressed. He hangs out with a group of friends now. Bea stress bakes and Alex can reap the benefits. Pez endlessly teases Henry and Alex thinks it’s hilarious. Remarkably, he’s still passing all of his classes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For this first time, Alex feels like a real college student. He’s actually enjoying everything for once instead of locking himself away studying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>June even tries to ask him what’s going on and why he’s suddenly spending so much time on things besides school. Alex shrugs and refuses to tell her the secret. Whatever he and Henry are doing, Alex refuses to give up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s only weeks later when Alex drops by to watch Henry finish a portrait of his brother “Philip” does Alex realize they’ve actually become friends. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he enters the studio, Henry is standing away from the portrait as if to study it. Alex slowly walks up next to him and notices he’s frowning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even though he doesn’t know the full story, comments made by Bea, Pez, and Henry make the man sound less than amicable. Maybe he’s seen enough work from Henry at this point, but he can still with the sharp brush strokes and cool tones that there’s a rift between the two brothers. There’s absolutely no warmth in this painting at all. Contrastingly, the one of Bea was radiating warmth, love, and happiness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All this one says is resentment. He’s seen enough of Henry’s work by now to know his heart is not in this portrait. Alex wonders if that was the point though. To show this clear separation between the two sibling portraits. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex briefly wondered when he had gotten to know Henry so well, but he pushed those thoughts away to reach over and touch Henry’s wrist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry turned towards him slightly and tilted his head as if to see what Alex wanted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s beautiful,” Alex whispered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Those two words transformed Henry’s face into something bright. If Alex was being honest, it was a more beautiful sight than any of Henry’s paintings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry leaned in and kissed Alex on the forehead. It warmed Alex to the core and shifted even closer to Henry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You want to get out of here?” Henry asked in his ear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They broke apart so Henry could clean up his paints. Alex noticed him rushing through the clean up process but he didn’t want to ruin the moment with any teasing. They left the studio moments later.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to go back to your place this time?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, sorry. It’s kind of a mess right now. I have all my stuff for the show there. Next time?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. He had a weird feeling that Henry wasn’t being completely honest with him. At the same time, it wasn’t his place to press so he let it go. After all, they were just hooking up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They arrived at Alex’s apartment a few minutes later. They put their things down, but when Alex went to reach for Henry he asked him to wait.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just- I just have to ask something first.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex felt a wave of anxiety as he attempted to calmly respond, “Sure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry looked extremely uncomfortable and refused to look at Alex. He started playing with a loose thread on his sleeve absentmindedly while biting his lip. It was kind of adorable, but Alex wished he would just get on with it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you come to my art show next week?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex straightened and took a step closer before saying, “Is that all you wanted to ask?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry fidgeted even more but replied, “Um, yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I’m coming. I want to see all the portraits of me from the class obviously.” Henry blushed and turned away from Alex. Suddenly, he was worried Henry didn’t want him there or something. Why should it matter?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Unless you don’t want me there.” Alex threw it out there to get rid of any uncertainties. Henry had no reason to get so worked up over this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Quickly, Henry cut any thoughts of that off with, “No, no. It would be nice if you came. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex smiled and reached a hand out for Henry’s wrist. After touching it lightly, he stepped closer so they could intertwine their fingers. Maybe it was Alex’s answer or their sudden proximity, but Henry seemed more grounded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry cupped Alex’s face and leaned down to kiss him. Every time they were together it felt different to Alex. Sometimes it was fast and others slow. Sometimes filled with desperation and others passion. This time though, all Alex could feel was something like adoration pouring out of Henry. Every kiss felt like a gift and every touch made Alex feel alive. He could spend all of his time like this. He would if he could.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was so strange to Alex still. He had gone from staunchly hating this person to now what? Enjoying his company during their night’s spent out drinking? Hooking up with him for fun? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He let any thoughts of what this all meant slip away and got lost in the feeling of Henry’s kiss.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Alex was honestly sort of excited about the art show. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He finished up his last modeling session the week before and he was excited to see what the artists had completed up until this point. During the class, he hadn’t gotten the chance to speak with everyone, but he planned to look at every single person’s artwork. They deserved someone there who would appreciate their hard work. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After this show, they would be moving on from portrait drawing to different subjects. The class even had a mandatory trip to one of the state parks for landscape painting, which Alex was admittedly jealous of. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>From what he had observed, every student was talented, but they excelled in different areas. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, no one came close to Henry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the weeks he had been there, Henry was clearly the best in the class. Even though he had no right to be, Alex was honestly really proud of him. Every piece he had seen so far had stirred some emotion in him. He watched as Henry gave out bits of his heart to create something beautiful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Alex arrived, he saw Lilly’s table immediately and debated. She saw him walk in and waved him over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alex! Hi, how are you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex surveyed her table with all the works. She had pieces in every medium, but it was easy to see how gentle all of her strokes were. Everything looked carefully placed and delicately shaded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This all looks great. I really love this one.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex pointed to one of an older couple smiling at each other. They looked so peaceful and happy with love clear in their eyes. It was exactly what Alex wanted someday.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh! That’s my grandparents. They’re so adorable and have been together forever.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex listened as she told a few stories about them before politely excusing himself. He felt slightly guilty for ditching her twice now, but he had to see the other artists. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walked over to another guy’s table. His pieces were pretty impressive as well. Alex noticed a portrait of him included among the display and couldn’t help but smile to himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Definitely the best job he’d ever had.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wondered if he would finally see one of Henry’s portraits of him. After all, he had modeled for most of Henry’s class sections. He’d have to have done many other pieces to avoid including Alex at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He continued to wander through the tables looking for Henry. He was honestly surprised he hadn’t found him immediately, but the art wing was huge and all the classes had displays to present. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walked by some amazing sculptures and mixed-media pieces. Alex wishes he could do something like that. Create something that would make others feel something. His only hopes of doing so were in a campaign speech or defending someone in court perhaps. Truly, he admired their skill and was in awe of what his peers could do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally, he spotted Henry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was wearing a light pink shirt and navy pants. The whole thing screamed preppy, but the pants had a skinny cut to them and Alex couldn’t take his eyes away. Henry always looked impeccable and today was no different. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry was busy talking to his professor when Alex walked over. His attention was caught on all of the pieces to Henry. He saw the one of Bea and Henry's father which were incredible. There was another painting of his dog, David, that Alex hadn’t seen before. Philip was there, which surprised Alex a little since he had a tough time with that one. There was one of an older woman who looked very similar to Bea (their mother maybe? Alex would ask). Even June, Nora, and Pez had portraits dedicated to them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His stomach dropped in disappointment as he noticed there wasn’t one of him included at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I mean come on. I modeled for half of his classes and he still doesn’t have a piece of me? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Alex thought to himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had no excuse for why he was so desperate to see himself through Henry’s eyes. Maybe because Henry always cut right to who people really were. Alex didn’t even know why he cared so much but he just did. Since when did he care about Henry’s opinion?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If not seeing himself included in the artwork was a disappointment, what he had overheard was a punch to the gut. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had been so mesmerized by the art he had slowly walked up and overheard Henry’s conversation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t understand Henry, why didn’t you include a portrait of Alex at all? I thought they were some of your best work so far.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex didn’t move and didn’t breathe after hearing this. He waited for Henry’s response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’re okay, but it doesn’t flow with the others. My theme is “loved ones” and we hate each other.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex could do nothing but walk away. He wasn’t sure if Henry even saw him at the table or not, but he didn’t want to face him now. He wasn’t even sure how he felt about Henry, but surely, they were past the hatred by now? Or maybe Henry just wanted some fun and then tension between them made it just that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even though he hadn’t spoken to Henry yet, nothing now could keep him from walking out. All he wanted was to slip out of the art building undetected.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was easy to hide when everything and everyone around you was bright and filled with talent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The moment he reached his apartment, Alex powered off his cell phone, turned on Game of Thrones, and got a beer from the refrigerator. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Initially, he thought he’d see Henry afterwards. That maybe they would all go out to celebrate his successful show. That they’d spend the night together. He had imagined gushing over how amazing Henry's art is just to see that bright smile on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, all Alex had plans to do was drink while watching something that required his full attention and left no room for thoughts of anyone or anything else.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next morning, Alex woke up on his couch with a slight hangover from the beers he drank. The feeling of it all upsets him all over again. He’s pissed at Henry and can’t even explain why. He doesn’t even have the right to be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For the first time, Alex is thankful his modeling days are over for the semester. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While it was a good gig, no amounts of money could make him go back to Henry’s class. If he did this next semester, he would find the class roster and sign up for classes that did not include the name “Henry Fox” on their lists.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At least campus was big enough that he’d never have to deal with Henry either. He could avoid him. He debated blocking Henry’s number, but that would require turning his phone on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After showering and making breakfast, he bites the bullet and turns his phone back on. He knows June and Nora will show up eventually unless he talks to them. In their group chat, he texts them both he’s busy with a huge paper. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not a total lie, Alex really should be fixing his neglected paper, but he’s decided to wallow in pity some more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After turning the phone on, he debates opening the 6 messages and 2 voicemails that arrive from Henry. If he reads any of them, he’ll cave. He puts it on airplane mode and puts the phone in his night stand drawer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He cleans up the beer bottles from last night and breakfast from this morning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex continues to mope around the apartment before begrudgingly starts writing his paper. He debates packing up for the library but knows that’s the first place Henry will look for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead, he settles on the couch, laying back with his laptop on his lap typing away furiously. He almost feels a little guilty for how sharply he types away. He’s working all of his aggression into a passionate argument about American foreign policy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s typed about two pages until there’s a knock at the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex ignores it in favor of continuing to type. He’s still not in the mood to see anyone and if he pretends he’s not here, the person will just go away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They do not though. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After five minutes, there’s more knocking. It’s louder this time and more than just the three quick knocks on the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still content to ignore it, Alex stays put.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not until he hears Henry’s voice calling out to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alex? I know you’re in there. June checked “find my friends” and said you were here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe it’s the residual anger, but Alex is at the door in seconds. He only opens it enough to show his face. He has no plans to let Henry in. After hearing the truth of what Henry thinks, why should he?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I help you?” it comes out a little sharp, but Alex doesn’t care. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry takes a step back in surprise. He looks both hurt and confused by Alex’s actions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex looks him over and notes the changes in Henry since yesterday. Today, he’s wearing a t-shirt and joggers. If this were anyone else, Alex would think he dressed like a normal college student. For Henry, he may as well be wearing pajamas right now. The circles under his eyes are difficult to ignore, but he’s not feeling sympathetic today.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course, Alex knows that he looks like a wreck too, but whatever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t see you at the show and you didn’t answer your phone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex feels his lips turn into a smirk, “Oh I was there Henry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry’s brow furrows in confusion. “But I didn’t see you?” he repeats questioningly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The fact that Alex came and went unnoticed last night hurt even more for some reason. He always could pick Henry out of a crowd on campus. It just confirmed that Alex was nothing special to Henry. Not even friends with benefits because then you’d have to actually be friends.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I showed up right around when you told the professor you hated me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry steps forward, “No, no. Alex that’s not-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t try to lie. I heard you.” Alex is staring daggers at Henry now. Henry should see the fire in his eyes and turn away. Back down. Something other than step closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry is standing almost at the doorway now and their faces are inches apart. If Alex slammed the door shut now Henry would try to stop it and hurt himself. That’s his excuse at least for not having already ended the conversation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry inhales deeply, “Look, can I please come in? I can explain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex almost caves. Almost. He’s looking into Henry’s bright blue eyes and is mesmerized for a moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All Henry has done is lie, pretend, and use Alex. He needs to remind himself of that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As calmly as he can manage, “No, you can’t. You made it very clear we are not friends and I only invite friends into my room.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pained look on Henry’s face makes Alex feel slightly guilty. But wonders why he should feel bad. Henry is the one who lied and hid things from him. He’s the one who used Alex just to hook up and not even care about. He’s the one who flat out told a professor they hated each other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s very clear to Alex at least that he does not hate Henry. Not even close. Not even a little bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However he feels is far from hate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry clearly does hate him though. Or maybe doesn’t even care.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex had come to a realization last night. The only reason he wanted to see a portrait of him by Henry was to see some sort of truth in himself. Henry was always able to portray some aspect of their character in his paintings. Alex just wanted to know where he fit into everything: society, school, Henry’s life, and so on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With all the successful people around him, Alex just wanted to know where he fit in. What did others think he had to offer? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Clearly whatever Henry thought he had to offer wasn’t even worth looking at. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alex, please. It wasn’t what you think.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shook his head, “Or maybe you got caught in a lie again. Either way, I’m not going to just let you use me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alex, I would never.” Henry’s looking on the verge of tears at this point and all Alex wants to do is comfort him. He wishes this could all go away. More than anything else - he wishes he weren’t the one to make Henry look like that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tried to remind himself that this was Henry’s fault.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good bye, Henry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He slowly closes the door just in case Henry does try to stop him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the door clicks shut, Alex locks it immediately. He waits before moving away in case Henry says anything else. His eyes begin to sting and he feels tears sliding down his cheeks now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He slowly trudges back over to the couch and shuts his laptop. No point in even trying to work on his paper now. Abandoning all school work, he flips Game of Thrones back on and refuses to go get his phone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s once again thankful that he never has to see Henry again.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>By the time the classes begin the following week, Alex is paranoid. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was able to stay in his room most of the rest of the weekend. He made one exception where he went to his car and drove to get groceries. He even wore a baseball cap and hoodie has a disguise just in case. Aside from having to avoid a few more calls and texts from Henry, he had a nice Henry free weekend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now that he was back to his weekly schedule, he felt there was nowhere to hide. Henry could find him if he wanted to. Alex took advantage of knowing when Henry was in class and used those times to grab meals with Nora and June or lock himself into a study room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If June and Nora knew about his fight with Henry, they didn’t say anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they were at lunch on Wednesday, June brought up wanting to try a new sushi place this weekend. She mentioned wanting to invite Henry, Bea, and Pez. Alex felt his stomach drop at the mention of Henry and asked if they could do something just the three of them instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought you guys were getting along,” June said questioningly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex forced his voice to stay neutral on the topic, “We were. It’s never just the three of us anymore though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nora raised an eyebrow at him, “It’s the three of us right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So?” and Alex feels like he’s quickly losing this fight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nora and June exchange a look but they drop it for the rest of the meal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next day when he checks his phone he’s been added to a group by June that has Nora, Pez, Bea, and a contact he recently changed to “Do Not Text”. Alex lets out a loud sigh as his request for just keeping it to the three of them for sushi night was ignored. So far only Pez has responded to the invite with “YESSSS!!” followed my emojis of sushi. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex decides that if Henry responds to the group to accept the invite, he’ll stay home. After all, he doesn’t want to miss out on the sushi night. It doesn’t even matter to him if Pez or Bea goes. They don’t hate him and he has nothing against them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the day passes with no responses from “Do Not Text” but Bea and Pez both accept the invite. He’ll give Henry until Friday at 4 to respond.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a dangerous game to play - deciding if he should go or not. Part of him wanted to accept in the group just to see if Henry would try to avoid him or not. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the end, Friday came with no response from Henry. So Alex happily sent a separate text to June saying he was coming.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he arrived at the restaurant, June and Nora were waiting for him at a table. They waved him over and he took his seat next to Nora. They pointed out some of the fancy glass decorations hung from the ceiling but Alex was distracted by the giant fish tank wall right behind June. He’s watching the fish whirl around and is so distracted he doesn’t notice when Pez and Bea arrive. He’s so distracted he doesn’t even register that a third person entered with them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he sees Henry, he almost falls off of his stool. He doesn’t think Nora or June noticed - they were too busy waving over to the group. He turns his attention back to the fish and plans his escape.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He briefly contemplates hiding in the bathroom, but Henry could follow him there. He thinks about saying he forgot he has other plans but they wouldn’t believe that. He could say he feels sick and wants to leave, but what if Henry offers to walk him home?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ugh. Alex concludes there’s no way out of this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He waves hello to everyone and begins looking at the menu like it’s the most interesting thing he’s ever seen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At least they do have a few unique sushi rolls that may make this whole charade believable. Maybe he can get away without speaking the whole night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, their waiter comes over quickly. Despite the fact that Alex has been staring at the menu for about fifteen minutes now, he still doesn’t know what to order. He names two random rolls and passes his menu down. When he looks up, June is giving him a questioning look but doesn’t say anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex continues blissfully ignoring the group conversation by watching the fish tank as they wait for their food. He tries to add a few small comments in here and there just so no one speaks to him directly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Anytime he hears Henry make a joke he forces himself to scowl; anytime he hears Henry laugh he just looks away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fortunately, their food arrives quickly. Alex is beginning to think he can get through this dinner without an incident. He uses his chopsticks to pick up one of the pieces. After the piece is in his mouth, Alex finally figures out what the weird look was for. The Dakara Roll he apparently ordered has yellowtail fish in it. Not that he has anything against it, but one time he and Nora had a sushi eating competition with all Hamachi and got sick afterwards. He hasn’t touched any sushi with yellowtail since. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He forces the piece down his throat and studies the rest of the plate. Luckily the other thing he ordered appears to just be a fancy version of a California Roll. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s picked up another piece when he hears June ask Henry how the art show went. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, he’s sitting there with a broken chopstick in his hand. He aggressively pushes the plate away and goes to the bathroom without saying anything. Maybe it is time for Plan B: Pretend to get sick and go home.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s standing at the sink for who knows how long. He’s got his phone, keys, and wallet. Really, he could make a break for it now if he wanted to. He could Venmo June money for his food and just leave. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This way he doesn’t have to pretend to ignore Henry. He doesn’t have to run the risk of meeting those impossibly blue eyes. He wishes he didn’t know what outfit Henry was wearing today. Or that he didn’t now know Henry’s sushi order. Or that he didn't have to hide how funny he thought Henry was. Or that he didn't have to restrain himself from the conversation tonight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s pulling out his phone to text June that he was leaving when the door swings open. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course, they don’t send Pez to check on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry enters and stands directly on the other side of the door. He seems to notice a lock on the bathroom door and locks the two of them inside. Alex wants to scream at him, but he’s not sure how soundproof the bathroom is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“June was worried you might be throwing up in one of the stalls,” Henry says as his lame excuse. Alex thinks Henry is the one who looks like he might vomit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stares at Henry for a moment before replying, “Clearly I’m not, so you can leave now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you please just talk to me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex does nothing of the sort. He turns away so he’s facing the mirror now instead of Henry. He watches as Henry slowly walks over to him and stops just a little behind him and to the left.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look, I know that you’re upset and that you hate me but I-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex whips around, “Oh you have no idea.” He doesn’t want to hear what Henry has to say. He’s rushing over to unlock the door and make a break for it. Something - Henry’s hand - snags his arm and jerks Alex backwards.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He trips and falls onto the ground. It pisses him off even more. He can’t even make a graceful exit from tonight - Henry has to ruin that too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to Alex. Are you okay?” Alex ignores his offered hand as he gets up. Henry makes no effort to stop him this time as he heads for the door. He sends June a text saying he’s leaving and blames the yellowtail. She’ll see right through it, but he’s gotta get out of there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The whole walk home he wonders how the hell is Henry so okay right now. Alex hates to admit it, but tonight showed him how much he had missed Henry. He forces himself to remember that Henry was just using him. That none of their hookups meant anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex would probably have to explain to June and Nora soon, but for now, he was going to drown his sorrows back at his apartment.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for continuing to drag this out...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It didn’t take long for June to show up to his apartment. In fact, it hadn't even taken her more than two hours since he left the restaurant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She called out to him before knocking on the door. When he answered it, she held a to go box of sushi. Alex took the box from her and she pushed her way past him. One look at the to go box and Alex was salivating. Luckily, June knew his regular sushi order and also saw through his “sick excuse”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No Nora tonight?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>June flopped onto the couch and kicked her feet up. “No, I didn’t want to ambush you tonight. You were clearly miserable enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed loudly, placed the food onto his coffee table, and threw himself onto the loveseat. “It hasn’t been a great week.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>June rolled her eyes, “Obviously. So, what’s going on? I thought you didn’t hate Henry anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t. That’s not the problem.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex put his hands over his face and hunched over. He had no idea how to explain this all to June. He looks back up at her and begins tugging on a piece of his hair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okaaaay. Then what is?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex let out a grunt of frustration before answering, “We’ve been hooking up. I went to his art show and overheard him telling his professor that he hates me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on. Henry didn’t say that. Maybe you misheard him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex frowned. He wished that were the case. “Nope. It was pretty clear. I wish I could hate him when all he’s done is lie and use me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alex, there’s no way that boy hates you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why would he lie about it though?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Alex. Maybe he didn’t want his professor knowing his business. Maybe he thinks you’re just using him. Maybe he thinks you hate him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hated when June acted as a voice of reason. He had considered all of these possibilities, but Alex wouldn't let himself hope. It was easier just accepting that Henry didn't like him and Alex could just end it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Either way, he either hates me or is a liar.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>June leans forward and studies the expression on Alex’s face. He knows how he must look - totally heartbroken. A complete wreck. He won’t let himself make excuses for Henry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t see it, but the rest of us do. He follows you around. He always looks for you and watches you when you’re not even paying attention to him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex considers it, but he knows better. “June, he’s an artist. I get it. He thinks I’m attractive and a distraction.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shakes her head furiously, “Not a distraction. He’s consumed by you. He was so worried for you after the art show and he looked like a ghost tonight after you left. You need to talk to him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything June is saying sounds too good to be true. Even if Henry didn’t hate Alex, would he still want to talk to him? Alex cut off Henry’s attempts at explaining twice now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright. I’ll think about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>June looks satisfied now. Instead of getting up to leave, she turns on the TV to some reality show that Alex doesn’t care about. He’s groaning about watching it, but he’s secretly happy he isn’t alone right now. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>By Sunday night, Alex was still feeling truly miserable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite the fact that he slept a ton on Friday, he was feeling restless now. He kept waking up all Saturday night with dreams of a vanishing boy with golden hair and bright blue eyes. It made Alex feel unsettled and unable to just relax. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t even been able to focus on his work all weekend and still had a ton of stuff to do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He debated watching another episode of Game of Thrones or attempting to do some homework. Even though it was already eleven at night, he decided that getting some work done might help him feel better.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a sigh, Alex grabbed his back and headed for the library. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he left his apartment, it was a little rainy so Alex cut through some of the buildings in an attempt to stay dry. He cut through the Science Center before entering the Music Studios. He never really went in here since it was usually filled with boisterous noise of students practicing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tonight, he could just hear one song playing through the air. Whatever it was sounded heartbreaking and lonely. It cut Alex to the core. He didn’t know much about classical music, but whatever this was haunted him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He took a detour through the hallways in an attempt to hear the music better. Maybe he could Shazam it on his phone and figure out what it was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stopped just outside of the piano room and pulled out his phone. He opened the app and hit the button for it to tell him what the song was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as the answer “Winterreise” by Schubert popped up, Alex dropped his phone and it slid across the ground.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit” Alex let out under his breath while he scrambled to grab it. He crawled across the floor and reached his phone just as someone else was picking it up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think you dropped- Oh hello, Alex.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p><em><span>Fuck me,</span></em><span> Alex thought to himself, </span><em><span>Why did it</span></em> <em><span>have</span><span> to be him?</span></em></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course there Alex was, looking like a disaster, on the ground and reaching out for his phone while Henry stood there as perfect as always. Alex was tempted to just get up and walk out. Forget about his phone and just pretend this didn’t happen, but he couldn’t afford to buy a new one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He got up off the floor and carefully grabbed the phone from Henry before muttering a “thanks”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry had either read his mind or seen the screen of his phone but he quietly says, “It’s Winterreise by Shubert. It’s all about mourning lost love.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex straightens and stares openly at Henry. He’s not sure what he expected but he surely didn’t think he’d see a slightly startled Henry playing moody classical music. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” is all Alex manages to let out. Is he supposed to ask Henry why he was playing that?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alex,” Henry says it in such a low voice he almost misses it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He forces himself to look into Henry’s eyes. Alex wonders if Henry can tell how upset and hurt he is over everything that’s happened.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I miss you,” Henry admits. Alex isn’t sure why but he believes it. Without thinking he takes a step closer to Henry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You do?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know you don’t want to hear it, but I just wanted you to know I lied earlier. At the art show, I don’t hate you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Henry pauses as if to give Alex a chance to challenge him or shout, but Alex is so tired of that. He can just hear him out and then walk away from it all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t sure how you felt about me, and if you saw one of the portraits I’ve done of you, well, you’d understand why I am selfish enough to keep them to myself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex scoffs. It’s what he was afraid of  - just some excuse to get Alex to trust him again. To pull him back in so Henry can use him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well you never show me any so how could I know? Your excuses won’t work this time, Fox.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex turns to leave. He’s already a few steps away when Henry calls out, “Wait. Tomorrow after your Econ class is over. I want you to come over to my apartment and I’ll show you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex whips around, “Is this some weird way for you to try and booty call me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He watches as Henry turns bright pink. “No, that’s not my intention. You just deserve the truth.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex debates the situation. If he goes, he finally gets what he’s wanted all along. If he doesn’t, it just proves he is the most stubborn person alive. If he goes, maybe he can see what Henry thinks of him. If he doesn’t, he avoids getting hurt again by Henry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the end, Alex can’t resist, “I’ll be there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After he gets the truth, he can just be done with all this once and for all.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the night had been torture for Alex. He wanted to kick himself for agreeing to see Henry. For agreeing to hear him out. For giving in just to see that portrait. </p><p> </p><p>He was an idiot.</p><p> </p><p>He was just so weak when it came to Henry.</p><p> </p><p>Henry was just toying with him. It was as simple as that. He was just spinning Alex’s head around. They’d gone from Henry lying, to them fighting, to hooking up, and now fighting again. It was confusing to keep track of how he was supposed to feel about Henry. Especially because even though he should probably hate Henry, he just couldn’t. </p><p> </p><p>Henry didn’t seem confused about his own feelings though. Alex heard him openly admit them to his professor. His mind kept pushing images of Henry looking heartbroken as he tried to explain, but Alex didn’t want the false hope.</p><p> </p><p>Somehow, he fell asleep around 2:00 am with his head on his laptop. </p><p> </p><p>That Monday morning stretched on and on. His first poli sci class seemed as if it would never end. The professor droned on and on for forty five minutes. Alex tried to pay attention, he really did. But how could he when he had to see Henry later? He distracted himself by making a pros and cons list about if he should still go to Henry’s.</p><p> </p><p>So far all he had come up with was:</p><p>PRO:                                  CON:</p><p>Get to see portrait                  Have to see Henry</p><p>Might learn the truth                   Might get lied to </p><p>  Can yell at Henry                    He might cry if I do</p><p> </p><p>So basically, he had no idea what to do. He knew going would likely result in him being hurt somehow. But at the same time, he knew he would regret not going. </p><p> </p><p>So, fuck it.</p><p> </p><p>He walked over to his afternoon Econ class with resolve. He would go to Henry’s immediately after. He would not get his hopes up about everything. He would learn the truth and go home. Wash his hands of this completely. </p><p> </p><p>Unlike the last class, Alex’s Econ class passed by rather quickly. Alex was wondering if Henry would send him his dorm info or details on how to find him. Instead, he didn’t have to. </p><p> </p><p>He walked down the steps of the Econ building and saw Henry waiting for him underneath a tree nearby. </p><p> </p><p>From a distance, Henry looked calm, peaceful, and relaxed. He was dressed in simple jeans and a black shirt. It made him look so casual while he stood there waiting for Alex. When he approached though, he could see a tightness in Henry’s expression that gave away how stressed Henry was. </p><p> </p><p>Henry attempted making small talk and asked Alex about his classes, but he couldn’t bring himself to engage. Being this close to Henry again was lighting Alex up from the inside out. Something about being this close to Henry again makes him feel nervous and twitchy. </p><p> </p><p>They slowly walk up to East Hall, which is the building two over from Alex’s own apartment, and Henry swipes them in. He leads them up the stairwell to the top floor. They walk down the hall to the last room there. Upon arrival, there’s a drawing tacked to the front of the door that vaguely resembles Henry if he were a comic book figure. In any other situation, Alex would smile and step closer to inspect it, but for now, he turns away.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t want anymore reminders of how bright and talented Henry is. He can’t compare himself to Henry because if he does, he’s terrified he’ll come up empty.</p><p> </p><p>Henry fumbles with the lock and for the first time, Alex wonders if Henry is nervous too. Alex watches as blush creeps up over Henry’s face the longer he struggles with the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, it gets stuck sometimes,” Henry mumbles in apology.</p><p> </p><p>Alex just nods even though Henry’s not looking at him.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, the door opens.</p><p> </p><p>Alex isn’t sure what he pictured Henry’s room to look like, but certainly not this. This apartment doesn’t look like a typical college dorm but instead an artist’s studio. He’s completely transformed the place to have an easel, a drying rack, a book shelf filled with art and music materials, and various pieces tacked up on the walls. </p><p> </p><p>It makes Henry seem even more sophisticated. In comparison, Alex has a giant TV and Star Wars posters on his walls. It strikes him again how put together Henry is while he’s just a complete mess.</p><p> </p><p>Henry doesn’t say anything, but he walks over to lean against the back of the couch. He gestures to the rest of the room and then Alex as if to tell him to go explore. </p><p> </p><p>So he does. </p><p> </p><p>The portraits in the main entrance way are different variations of Henry’s family. There’s one of him and Pez. One including David. There’s one of Henry’s parents and he swears he can feel the love between them. They’re all so beautiful and lovely. He wants to tell Henry how amazing and special each one is, but that’s not what he came for.</p><p> </p><p>He searches the main room before realizing there’s not one of him up.</p><p> </p><p>Confused, he turns to Henry. The look on his face must’ve expressed his confusion because Henry scratches his head and avoids eye contact. </p><p> </p><p>Alex can hear how nervous Henry is as he finally lets out, “You haven’t checked my bedroom yet.”</p><p> </p><p>Alex can feel his eyebrows lift in surprise. He wondered if this was some weird porn thing he was about to walk into, but there was no turning back now. </p><p> </p><p>He quickly crosses the room and enters Henry’s bedroom before chickening out. </p><p> </p><p>Of course, the room is as put together as Henry always is. Bed made and everything put away. Alex surveys the entire room before turning his full attention to the walls.</p><p> </p><p>While the main apartment looked like a studio, the walls of the bedroom are covered in pieces. Some sketches, others finished drawings, and a few paintings scattered. It’s a strange sensation and almost feels like he’s in Henry’s brain. </p><p> </p><p>The far wall however makes Alex stop.</p><p> </p><p>He thinks he sees himself among those sketches and feels himself pulled over to it. </p><p> </p><p>There in the center of the wall, is a sketch Alex recalls from their second class together. Alex is positioned in a way that shows off his athletic figure. He looks relaxed, but the sketch is anything far from simple. </p><p> </p><p>Every stroke is gentle and clearly pencilled in with care. It makes Alex look god-like compared to the other sketches around him. The chiaroscuro is intense and makes Alex’s curls look like a crown on his head. The entire thing is so breathtaking and really, really sexy. It doesn’t take Alex long to figure out that the portrait would be positioned in one of the easiest spots to gaze on.</p><p> </p><p>Alex broke away and studied some of the other portraits surrounding it. </p><p> </p><p>There was Alex studying. There was Bea and Alex playing a drinking game. There was their whole friend group at a bar trivia night. There was Alex in the movie theater. </p><p> </p><p>Every image overwhelmed Alex. </p><p> </p><p>Alex heard Henry step into the room at some point and must’ve been watching for Alex’s reaction. All he could do though was stare at the images and think of how amazing Henry was. Henry had captured Alex as this intelligent, athletic, and passionate guy. Anyone could look at these and see the artist clearly liked Alex. The warmth and adoration was clear in every piece. </p><p> </p><p>It just made Alex wonder why he didn’t share any of it before. </p><p> </p><p>He turned to Henry finally and within seconds was kissing him. He didn’t plan on it, but he was overwhelmed with everything he saw. It was obvious Henry didn’t hate him judging by what was plastered all over his walls.</p><p> </p><p>Henry breaks off the kiss, “Alex, I have a confession to make.”</p><p> </p><p>Anxiety seeps into Alex’s brain as he assumes the worst, “What is it?”</p><p> </p><p>He’s so focused on staying calm he almost misses it when Henry says, “I made sure you got picked.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” and even Alex can hear the surprise in his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“I saw all the headshots of the potential student models and I told her we had to have you. Within seconds of seeing your picture, I wanted to paint those curls and your brown eyes.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you didn’t like me?”</p><p> </p><p>Henry shook his head, “No, no. That’s not it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then what?”</p><p> </p><p>“As you may have noticed, my emotions seep through my work. I was afraid if you saw any painting or drawing I did of you that you would know immediately how much I liked you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Liked?”</p><p> </p><p>He’s thankful Henry has the courage to surge forward and continue, “I like you very, very much. Since the first class, I’ve never tried to hide it. Excuse my lack of restraint, but you are so fucking beautiful.”</p><p> </p><p>Alex feels shock rush through him. He’s paralyzed to do anything else except listen to Henry.</p><p> </p><p>He continues, “When you came up to me in the library that day, I thought you were with Nora and that you’d see my sketches and just know how much I want you. I couldn’t bear for you to reject me, so I lied.” </p><p> </p><p>“Why not just show me later then? Why not just show me one from class?”</p><p> </p><p>Henry shakes his head, “I couldn’t bring myself to. You’d be able to tell my true feelings for you. I knew you didn’t return them.”</p><p> </p><p>Alex frowns and reaches for Henry again. He pulls him into a hug and says, “Henry” so quietly. It’s both an apology and a <em> how could you think that? </em></p><p> </p><p>He really, really wants to smack himself in the head for not making it more clear. Of course it wasn’t clear though. Alex himself didn’t even realize his own feelings until he heard Henry say he hated him.</p><p> </p><p>He presses another kiss against Henry’s cheek and can’t stop thinking about how stupid he’s been. He could’ve lost Henry over his own stubbornness and their miscommunication.</p><p> </p><p>Even though it physically pains him, he pulls back from Henry. He moves both of his hands to Henry’s shoulders and pins him against the door. Looking right into Henry’s eyes, Alex explains, “I’m telling you this so we are perfectly clear. These last few days without you have been terrible. I missed you so much. Not just the hooking up, but everything. You’re the most incredible person I know.”</p><p> </p><p>Alex leans to kiss Henry again and it just feels so right. He could spend hours doing just this. Any feeling of misery he had previously is taken over by complete joy. </p><p> </p><p><em> Where does someone like Henry even come from? </em> Alex wonders to himself.</p><p> </p><p>Somehow they end up tangled together on Henry’s bed. For a moment, Alex pulls himself back and lays side by side with Henry. He studies all of the amazing work on the walls before returning back to Henry. He’s got that look in his eye that June was talking about. That look that Alex now sees is simply a mix of adoration and desire; almost like he wants to just drown in Alex. </p><p> </p><p>He moves his head on Henry’s chest and closes his eyes. He feels Henry playing with his curls and decides he’s never leaving Henry’s side again. </p>
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